Tag: bancuri despre femei

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch..you may choose any man from a particular floor. Or, you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

O lady intra la un dealer Lexus, si se plimba pe acolo, uitandu-se la masini. Deodata, ocheste cea mai frumoasa si deosebita masina din show-room si se duce tinta la ea sa o inspecteze. In momentul in care se apleaca sa simta pielea fina, un partz mic ii scapa pe neasteptate. Foarte incurcata, se uita ingrijorata in jur sa vada daca a remarcat cineva faptul, sperand totodata ca nici un vanzator nu va aparea din senin tocmai atunci. Dar, cand se intoarce, langa ea statea un vanzator. Cu un zambet larg, acesta-i spune :
– “Buna ziua, doamna. Cu ce va pot ajuta astazi?”
Incercand sa-si mentina un aer sofisticat si actionand ca si cum nimic nu s-ar fi intamplat, ea zambeste catre vanzator si-l intreaba
– “Domnule, care e pretul acestui vehicul deosebit ?”
Vanzatorul, cu acelasi zambet larg, ii spune:
– “Stimata doamna, imi pare foarte rau sa va spun ca daca doar ati tras un vant cand ati atins masina, va veti caca pe dvs. cand veti auzi pretul!”

Se apropie un tip aratos si o cere pe una dintre ele la dans.
In timp ce danseaza, fata intreaba:
– Esti cam palid. De ce nu mergi mai des la soare?
– Acum am iesit de la inchisoare.
– Si de ce ai fost acolo?
– Mi-am omorat nevasta, i-am taiat capul si l-am aruncat intr-un rau.
Dupa dans, fata se intoarce la prietena sa:
– Inchipuie-ti, draga, nu e insurat.

Daca o pocnesti, se cheama maltratarea femeii.
Daca te pocneste ea, e autoaparare.
Daca iei o decizie fara sa o intrebi, esti nesimtit.
Daca ea ia o decizie fara sa te consulte, e femeie emancipata.
Daca ii ceri sa faca ceva ce nu ii place, e dominare masculina.
Daca te roaga ea, iti face o favoare.
Daca apreciezi formele unei femei si lenjeria sumara, esti pervers.
Daca nu, esti homo.
Daca-i oferi flori, urmaresti ceva.
Daca nu, esti magar.
Daca esti mandru de realizarile tale, esti plin de tine.
Daca nu, esti lipsit de ambitie.
Daca o doare capul, e obosita.
Daca te doare pe tine, n-o mai iubesti.
Daca vrei sa faci dragoste prea des, esti obsedat.
Daca nu, ai pe altcineva. FEMEILE!!!!!

Vine o tipa timida la ginecolog. Bate incet la usa si nimeni. Baga capul pe usa si vede doi oameni imbracati in alb.
– Pot sa intru ?
– Desigur!
– Pot sa ma dezbrac? zice femeia cam tematoare.
– Bineinteles!
– Pot sa ma asez pe masa?
– Da,da! dupa vreo 10 min de stat pe masa timp in care cei doi nu au baga-to in seama, femeia isi face curaj si intreaba:
– Dar nu veniti sa va uitati la mine?
– Ba da doamna. Vin cei doi, se uita si exclama foarte tare:
“OOOAAAAUUUUU!!!!”
– E chiar asa de grav dom” doctor?
– Nu stim, doamna. Noi suntem zugravii!