Capitanul de pe Titanic ii strange pe pasageri si le
spune:
– Am doua vesti pentru dumneavoastra: una rea si una
buna. Pe care o vreti prima?
– Pe cea rea.
– In doua ore, vaporul se va rupe in doua si se va
scufunda.
– Si cea buna?
– Vom lua 11 Oscar-uri.
A fost odata ca niciodata
A fost odata un print care intr-o zi a intrebat pe o preafrumoasa printesa:
-Vrei sa fii sotia mea?
Si ea a spus:
-Nuuu!
Si atunci printul a trait multi si fericiti ani si poate mai traieste si
acum umbland la vanatoare si pescuit haladuind cu prietenii si band multa bere si imbatindu-se de cate ori poftea,jucand table toata ziulica, lasandu-si hainele imprastiate in sufragerie, facand sex cu toate curvele, vecinele si prietenele, cantand si scarpinandu-si indelungat c***ele.
Contraception
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as
they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his physician and told him that he and his
wife didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly
alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear
and count to 10.”
The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest
tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer
can next to my ear is going to help me.”
“Trust me,” said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count!
“1”
“2”
“3”
“4”
“5”
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas,
Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington.
Impotenta maxima
Maria si Leana discuta despre sotii lor:
– Mario, Gheorghe al meu e impotent 100%!
– Leano, Ion al meu e impotent 300%!
– Cum asa?
– A cazut prostul pe scari si si-a rupt si degetul si limba!!!
Logistica IT si sales
La un team building, echipele de IT, vanzari si logistica se distreaza. La un moment dat, echipa de logistica intra intr-un desis si iese de acolo cu un iepure spunand:
– Avem de un gratar..!
Mai stau ce mai stau, intra echipa de la IT in desis, si ies si ei tot cu un iepure, spunand:
– Uite si de o friptura..!
Echipa vanzatorilor, un pic iritata si privind de sus (ca de obicei), intra in padure, si….liniste….liniste…deodata urlete, crengi rupte, vanzoleala, echipa de vanzari buluc iese din desis cu un urs dupa ei. Din fuga, striga catre cei de la logistica si de la IT:
-Noi vi l-am adus, voi descurcati-va..!!!